A Mix of Emotions

Today was such a strange day emotionally for me. I woke up this morning and did my usual online email checking, facebook checking, blog reading and more email checking routine. During this, however, I was stopped cold in my tracks because the handy little birthday reminder thing on my homepage of facebook told me that to day was Philip's birthday. Normally I find the birthday reminder thing helpful and a great way to remember to wish someone a happy birthday.

This reminder was different though. My friend Philip was not happy on this earth and decided to take himself off of it back in the fall of 2008. What made this even harder for me, was the fact that I did not hear about his passing until 2 weeks after the fact and did not get the opportunity to go to his funeral because I was on my backcountry trip at the time. The birthday reminder was strange to see.

I spent considerable time today thinking about Phil. He was a friend from my youth group and we spent considerable time together on things like confirmation trips, mission trips, playing ultimate frisbee, and everything youth-group oriented. He was undoubtably one of my favorite people at church and hanging out with him was always fun, especially with his incredibly dry sense of humor.

I am still sad that he apparently had more stuggles than anyone knew about, but I have no doubt that he is now partying it up up in heaven and is considerably happier than he ever would have been here.

I was also happy today because it was sunny and snowy and the woods on the drive back to my house today were gorgeous. I wish Phil had been around to see it. And to celebrate his 24th birthday.

So I was happy, sad, and a whole lot of other things today. But mostly, I just want to wish my friend Phil, wherever he is today, a very happy birthday. And to tell him that I miss him. Oh so much.